When you think about therapy, most will picture a one-to-one conversation with the patient and therapist sitting across from each other. Although that’s not how every therapy session goes, you can’t be blamed for only thinking that therapy is all about talking because popular TV shows and movies only show this side of therapy. Except for a few, the therapist is always a glasses-wearing, formally dressed, writing pad holding, excessively nodding person!

There are so many types and forms of therapy in the world. The extensive study of psychology has brought forward tons of pioneers, founders, and developers of different forms of therapy that benefit society in many ways.

Psychologists have always understood that each person is unique and thus needs unique approaches to tackle their problems. 

So, no. Talking is not everything a therapy session is. Depending on what type of therapist you go to, you will have different experiences. From more experiential methods to group sessions and practical home-works to role-playing, other therapists use a myriad of techniques to understand what the client needs.

Only those people with serious mental illness need therapy.

This age-old stigma has glued on to us like gum on our shoes. It never really goes away. There are always tiny traces of it left behind. 

Anything that gives you solace, lets you feel at peace and maybe takes your mind off of the stress a little bit, if not all, is therapeutic. 

You don’t need to have a ragging, life-threatening problem to go to therapy. People go to therapy all the time to help them deal with everyday battles. We all have our fair share of struggles that we face daily.

Not everyone who goes to therapy needs to pop pills to feel better.

People come for struggles with relationships, self-confidence, career choices, self-esteem, motivation, and so many more. 

When repressed, suppressed, and not dealt with, the minor, seemingly insignificant problems and issues are prone to manifesting themselves into more extensive issues and consuming power over you. 

Let me enlighten you with an example. If ten years ago, someone tells you that you’re dumb, the word gets engraved in your mind. You never deal with it because it was never a significant problem in your life, but every time you want to answer a question the teacher asks in class, you remember it, and it cripples you from answering the question for fear of being judged again. 

I can’t stress enough the power our mental state holds on our physical life. We think by suppressing such thoughts, we are growing, and we’re not affected by it, and yes, sometimes, it works. Or we pretend it’s helping even when it’s not. I think it’s okay that some people don’t deal with it and yet, go on to live undisturbed by it. 

More often than not, this issue comes back and manifests itself in many forms that we don’t even realize why it happens. This is where therapy comes in.

What you think might be a trivial matter could be the biggest struggle for some. So when someone comes to you for help on such issues, be open to lending them a listening ear; that could be all they need. 

You’ll never know unless you deep dive into your own self and uncover the truth. 

Psychotherapists blame your past for your present problems.

Therapists believe in “no shame, no blame.” The entire repertoire of a therapist consists of “no judgment” no matter what. 

The job exists for people to have a safe place to talk about problems without the fear of being judged or shunned. 

Contrary to popular belief, not all therapy focuses on the past. Yes, many problems can have their roots in the past, and uncovering the past truth will give you answers. There’s no denying that flipping through your book of life will undoubtedly bear the answers to some of the problems you have now. But sometimes, the answer lies in the now. 

Take Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, for example. Therapists who specialize in this form of therapy focus on the problem at hand. They do not need to know your past to understand your situation now. 

They separate the problem from the person and say that, “the problem is the problem; the person is not the problem,” and hence, there is less importance given to the problem, in a way, suggesting that the issue should not have the limelight in therapy. Instead, it is “Solution-Focused.”

You will immediately feel better after 1-2 sessions in therapy.

Therapy is not a quick fix. Unlike traditional pain killers, therapy does not have a one-stop solution to all your problems. 

They say “good things take time,” and I believe that taking your time to navigate through life, with each step, calculated in a way that benefits you, adds up to make a life for yourself that’s free from unnecessary stress.

A typical therapy session lasts 40-45 minutes, and this can be repeated 2-3 times a week, depending on your case and what your therapist deems is beneficial for you. Although, some new forms of contemporary therapy, like Brief therapy, are considerably shorter than traditional therapy. 

With that said, the beauty of therapy lies in the relationship you build with your therapist and vice versa. A healthy relationship takes time and effort from both ends; when you see this happen through days, weeks and months, it makes the relationship even more important to your mental health.

There is a fundamental importance in the building of a strong client-therapist relationship. Only if the connection is strong will you trust your therapist, be open, become more confident, and eventually allow you to accept and love yourself. 

Trusting your therapist is everything in a therapy session. And for this, you need a positive therapeutic relationship.

Therapists are there to give you clear-cut solutions to your problems.

You should never go into therapy expecting clear-cut solutions to all your problems. You can, but if you do, you’ll most probably come out of it discouraged or dissatisfied. 

The main goal of therapy is to guide you and give you the necessary tools to navigate your life correctly. Therapists are there to listen to your problems, understand how you feel, and develop coping strategies to help you find your way in life successfully.

In many ways, your therapist is the older adult in the movies, spewing wisdom, the person you meet to ask directions when you’re lost, the person that ushers you to your seats in a show; ultimately, your therapist is the one with the map. 

They first learn where you’re coming from, where you want to go, then give you the directions and all the tools you need to get there.

I once heard a saying that goes something along the lines of, “if you give credit to your therapist for feeling better, the job of the therapist is not yet complete. But if you credit yourself for getting where you are, then you have had the opportunity of finding the right therapist for you.”

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YOUR PERSPECTIVE OF LIFE PROFOUNDLY IMPACTS YOUR MINDSET:

Being optimistic or pessimistic has always been a tell tale sign of how you are likely to react in a given situation. For instance, when we experience a setback, an optimistic person is likely to see it as a learning opportunity and brainstorm different ideas on how to overcome that obstacle; whereas, a pessimistic person is likely to see it as a sign to give up. In life, we all face situations where we have to make difficult decisions; and since mindsets are self-fulfilling; i.e. how you perceive stress affects how you respond to it, the type of outlook you have on life corresponds to how you act in response to these difficult decisions (stressors) in life.

According to Dr. Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology, how you respond to life events is more important than the event itself. For instance, if a pessimist loses his/her job; s/he will tend to explain the incident in a ‘permanent, universal and personal manner;’ whereas, an optimist will focus on the ‘temporary, specific and external aspects of the incident.’ When we have a positive perspective of life, we tend to spend less time dwelling over unpleasant negative aspects because we are more focused on the good things. A positive outlook is not the solution to prevent all mental health illnesses but it can reduce the risk of developing them, especially mood and substance disorders. 

A HEALTHY BODY IS SIGNIFICANTLY RELATED TO A HEALTHY MINDSET:

Is there a problem because of poor diet, or is it the problem that contributes to a poor diet?

The mind and the body are connected in many ways. A healthy body reflects itself on your mindset. Feelings of wellbeing are more prevalent when you consume a healthy and balanced diet. For instance, whenever you are down with an illness, you experience an overall body weakness, you’re unlikely to want to socialize, and find yourself feeling a little more pessimistic than usual. Thus, our eating habits can contribute to increasing or decreasing our wellbeing.

Studies have shown that diet plays a vital role in development, management and prevention of various illnesses such as schizophrenia, depression and Alzheimer’s disease. It is not to say, however, that other treatments should be neglected while focusing on diet, rather, it should go hand in hand, amplifying the success of the treatments. 

Not only diet, but even physical activity has been found to have a positive impact on mental health. It has been observed by many researchers that exercise causes changes in the brain such as secretion of chemicals which keep the neurons healthy in the brain. Another way to keep the brain up and running is by doing brain exercise which includes puzzles like crossword or chess. 

THE PEOPLE YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH GREATLY INFLUENCE YOUR MINDSET:

A lot of how we make sense of the people around us has a lot to do with the “vibe” they give off. We often tend to pick up the traits of the people we spend time with. The values that they place on certain things tend to rub off on us, just like when we start picking up habits of our caregivers as children. By surrounding yourself with positive people, you naturally will begin to see things in a different light.

The principle of emotion contagion holds that the emotions of two or more people converge and are passed from person to person in larger groups.

Emotions are contagious. What’s more alarming is the fact that negative emotions are even more contagious! We dwell over negativity much longer than we celebrate positive emotions. For example, winning the lottery once will cultivate positive emotions that will perhaps last a few days whereas, losing a small investment or a few thousand bucks will leave us feeling negative emotions for a much longer period, sometimes even months. Subsequently, if you interact with an angry person, you are more likely to respond in kind and even project anger onto others and cause a chain reaction. Even when you’re in a crowd of strangers, you tend to feel the same way the crowd does even when you know that you might feel differently if you were alone, (example: mob mentality) unless you are consciously resisting it.

This is supported by the phenomenon of ‘group think’ which occurs when a group reaches a consensus without rational evaluation of the consequences of their decisions. It is based on a common desire of not wanting to cause conflict by opposing decisions. One famous example of ‘groupthink’ is the bombing of Pearl Harbor. The blatant refusal to take into consideration the possible consequences of our actions is why groupthink is a dangerous phenomenon which we experience more often than we think! It can come in the form of high-risk behavior such as anti-social and criminal behaviors, peer pressure, and can even influence political ideas.

Happy people make us happy, impatient people make us impatient, angry people make us angry. Surrounding ourselves with people who emulate positive emotions keep us feeling motivated towards achieving a healthy mindset. The type of people we interact with the most have the potential to change and influence our thoughts and ideologies fairly easily, this is why we have to be smart about who we allow into our social circles.

HIGH SELF ESTEEM EQUALS A HEALTHY MINDSET:

Self-esteem is the value that we place on ourselves. Research on self-esteem stresses the importance of self-esteem as crucial to the development of physical and mental health. Having a high self worth and self image is a part of increasing self esteem. If you have a high self esteem, you will be able to recognize your own good qualities and strive for a better life. Whereas, low self esteem has the capability to fester negative feelings about the self and negate them of achieving a higher self worth and a positive self image. A number of research points to the evidence that high self esteem has a positive relationship with better mental health. Alternately, low self esteem is associated with mental disorders such as depression, suicidal tendencies, eating disorders, violence and substance abuse. 

Building self-esteem starts by learning to love ourselves. When we do so, we will automatically strive for a better life and look for ways to do what is best for us. This leads to a more fulfilling and satisfying life. It is easy to put into words but the very act of self love isn’t the easiest thing to do for many of us. It is difficult to change the already formed deep seeded, negative thoughts about ourselves. It takes time and patience to challenge these cynical thoughts and learn to value ourselves and see that we are worthy of love and happiness.

Increasing self esteem requires a lot of work – a healthy body, practicing adaptive coping strategies and surrounding yourself with a strong support system that makes you feel loved and accepted is a good way to start this journey. Seeking professional help is also advised when self help is not successful.

HAVING A PURPOSE IN LIFE IS KEY TO A HEALTHY MINDSET:

‘Those who have a “why” to live, can bear with almost any “how”.’- Nietzsche

Having a sense of purpose is essential to leading a fulfilled life. People with a strong sense of purpose in life tend to do better on a number of different measures of mental health. Studies have shown that people who are heavily affected by their personal experiences found themselves struggling with emotions and resorting to maladaptive coping strategies and lacking purpose in life. This acts as a hindrance to them becoming a fully functioning person.

For Carl Rogers, the founder of client-centered therapy, a fully functioning person is the ideal personality wherein, the person ‘experiences freedom of choice and action, is creative and exhibits the qualities of existential living.’ According to Maslow’s theory of the hierarchy of needs, each person strives to achieve self-actualization, a state in which a person experiences the ‘fulfillment of talents and potentials.’ This is the highest state of mental wellbeing a person can experience which is achieved by having a purpose- the purpose to reach self-actualization.

Having a purpose in life predicts both good health and longevity. This means that finding meaning in your own experiences builds resilience and motivates productivity. Having a purpose in life is also positively associated with self-image and well-being. People with a strong sense of purpose tend to live a better existence with regards to mental health and well-being because they engage in healthier behaviors giving them a much more positive outcome in life.

These are some aspects that years of research have found to have a strong connection to cultivating a healthy mindset. Only one factor is not responsible for a healthy mindset, rather, a mixture of different approaches can be fashioned to your likeness. This will inevitably leave you feeling better about yourself and those around you will experience these changes along with you.

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