The problem is the problem; the person is not the problem. – M. White & D. Epston

Whenever I get asked the question, “Who are you?” a hundred different answers run through my mind. I am a scholar for those who know the education system, I am ‘my name’ for those who are holding pens and writing boards, I am my parents’ daughter for relatives, I am my brother’s sister for those who know my brother, I am a friend’s friend for friends of friends (yes friend, 5 times!) I am a psychologist for my clients, I am a business owner for my customers, and I am a writer for my readers.

Even with this whole paragraph of identities that I and others have about me, I can still be another 100 paragraphs’ worth of identities. I think most of us can agree that the stories we tell people about ourselves change ever so slightly, as we change the people we tell these stories to. The story of a great party can turn into 3 different parties for 3 different listeners: one PG-13, one rated R, and another one for the long nosed ones!

Narrative therapy believes that you are the stories you tell about yourself. Reality is socially constructed and so, the interactions we have with people becomes our reality. We have multiple stories/narratives about our lives such as our hardships and achievements, our abilities, relationships, desires, hopes and dreams and so much more. These narratives shape our experiences and therefore, our lives.

The intention of this therapy is to open up space for people to create their own stories, so that they can have a sense of control over their realities and hopefully give their lives more possibilities. We tell stories that identify who we are by stitching together different moments in our lives into a cohesive whole. These stories carry the essence of who we are. By the logic of this type of therapy, the narrative you carry about your life is your reality.

If I carry a story about me as a good cook, I have come to this conclusion by putting together a series of events in my life where I was appreciated for the food I prepared. The more snippets of stories I add to this, the easier it is to demonstrate how I am a good cook because “someone once said…” My competence in cooking is fiercely dominated by the idea that I have done exceptionally well in a sequence of events while dismissing the times that I might have done a terrible job because it does not fit into the dominant story- that I am a good cook. In this way, a negative thought can also fester in your mind and try to convince you that you are in fact what you think of yourself. These are the “problem-saturated stories.”

Like many others, narrative therapy carries a political and social agenda- to help individuals liberate themselves from their culture dominated problem-saturated stories. These stories are ‘distorted,’ ‘disempowering,’ and ‘unhelpful’ assumptions that dominate our narratives; sometimes to a point where it might seem unlikely that an alternate story exists. At times these problem stories can be very difficult/ uncomfortable even just to listen to; these include stories and experiences of injustice especially those concerning race, gender or religion.

The problem story paints the picture of an event or an experience in such a way that it cripples the reality of the storyteller, making it seem like there’s no end to the problem and nothing can be changed. The narrative therapist will try to flip this situation by showing the narrator that there are visible choices and responses s/he can make to change the dominant problem story. The therapist helps the narrator tell his/her story from a different point of view, one that makes them more powerful, bigger and stronger than the problem.

Narrative therapy aims to brand the narrator as the expert in his/ her experience through capitalizing on the individual’s story-telling tendencies. The uniqueness of our cultures and societies birth different dominant discourses which can influence our personal narratives and become our realities.

If you think you are incompetent, why do you think that? Is it because someone once said it? Or because you hear it everywhere you go? Or have you been thinking that you’re incompetent after failing to reach a goal you once set?

Now, if you have a friend who is actually incompetent, will you tell him/her that s/he is incompetent to their face? And keep telling them daily that they are incompetent? Will you remind them every time they are called to do a task that they are incompetent?

We probably won’t. We actually won’t.

As social beings, we are bound by unseen and unwritten codes of conduct that keep us in check. These norms allow us to exist with other people peacefully, and we all strive for peace- not world peace (unlike many public figures!) but peace of mind. We all want to relax after a long day’s work. If you’re someone who wants to keep grinding, then you’ll probably strive for your own type of peace once you reach your ultimate goal.

With that said, why won’t we repeatedly tell our friends of their shortcomings? Why don’t we remind them always about how incompetent they are? Why do we refrain from pointing out their lack of ability to do something all the time?

We are conscious of their emotions. We are wary of our mindless negative talk. We are careful not to hurt them or their feelings. We are putting their feelings above everything else. We don’t want to hurt them. We want to maintain the peace between us.

Then if we go through this sensitive, self-aware, careful path for someone else’s feelings, why don’t we do the same for our own?  Why does hurting someone else’s feelings carry so much more weight than your own? How can you claim to love someone else, but not yourself?

If you won’t call someone else incompetent, unlovable, a hopeless cause, then why are you telling yourself the same every single day? Why live in a narrative that pulls you down under when you have the power and the capability to change it all? You do! You are the narrator of your life story. What you say and think about yourself manifests itself and makes its way through to the world outside. Therefore, you are quite literally what you think!

From the perspective of the therapist, these dominant discourses play the most vital role in creating the problem stories which bring people to therapy in the first place. Unlike most therapies, narrative therapy is focused on the way people construct meaning rather than on the way people behave. The prime detail in therapy is to separate the person from their problem so that the issues are externalized, creating a clear distinction between “an individual with problems” and a “problematic individual.”

Narrative therapy believes that all people have good intentions and don’t need or want problems. Which stands true because who wants to be prematurely bald, constantly burdened, stressed out and on edge? As the goal of therapy is to separate the person from the problem, once this is done, people are free to create and re-author their own stories. The therapists seeks to UN-label individuals as “the problem”

There exists a notion in existential psychology that believes in a world with no inherent meaning. (A detailed story for the next blog!) If there is no meaning in existence then people can create their own meaning. There is no absolute truth because people can have multiple interpretations of a single event/experience. Narrative therapy encourages people to create their own stories and negate the “universal or absolute truths” that do not necessarily apply to them. Finding meaning and purpose in your life that serves you and your truth is the final goal.

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